[ She doesn't have to fake the trepidation in her voice when she starts talking, which is good, because she's still not a very accomplished liar. ]
I still cannot know all that happened last... [ no ] ... the last night I remembered, but the witch showed herself. She let me be, knowing that I would take the blame of it. Maybe she knew of Mother's madness, and thought we should kill each other...
[ She can't linger on the struggle with her mother, or she'll lose herself in panic and self-pity again. She cuts the thoughts off with what she considers a simple statement of fact! ]
Her purpose matters not. I am a matricide. Father is dead, the twins gone, all our animals save the goat fled into the woods or slaughtered. I keep thinking what I might do, as if this had yet to happen, but 'tis already done, and all I can do is guess at my choice.
[ Her choice of actions fades in and out. One moment it's something she's disconnected from, the next it feels as real and immediate as it had in her dreams. ]
I cannot survive the winter, not with what we have. But if I travel for the colony, I do not know the way, and I go to it through the wilderness. They will never let me escape alive. And if they do... it is because they know none will believe me. They hated my family and I have none to testify for my story, and I will have to tell them what became of the farm. They'll believe just as Mother did. If the witch or the goat let me live, I will starve on the farm, or hang in the village for a witch. And however I die, my soul is damned to Hell... so it means nothing if I deed it away.
That was my choice. I thought on my future then as I do now, and chose to conjure the beast and make bargain with him. Black Phillip is Satan and I his handmaid.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-03-13 03:56 pm (UTC)I still cannot know all that happened last... [ no ] ... the last night I remembered, but the witch showed herself. She let me be, knowing that I would take the blame of it. Maybe she knew of Mother's madness, and thought we should kill each other...
[ She can't linger on the struggle with her mother, or she'll lose herself in panic and self-pity again. She cuts the thoughts off with what she considers a simple statement of fact! ]
Her purpose matters not. I am a matricide. Father is dead, the twins gone, all our animals save the goat fled into the woods or slaughtered. I keep thinking what I might do, as if this had yet to happen, but 'tis already done, and all I can do is guess at my choice.
[ Her choice of actions fades in and out. One moment it's something she's disconnected from, the next it feels as real and immediate as it had in her dreams. ]
I cannot survive the winter, not with what we have. But if I travel for the colony, I do not know the way, and I go to it through the wilderness. They will never let me escape alive. And if they do... it is because they know none will believe me. They hated my family and I have none to testify for my story, and I will have to tell them what became of the farm. They'll believe just as Mother did. If the witch or the goat let me live, I will starve on the farm, or hang in the village for a witch. And however I die, my soul is damned to Hell... so it means nothing if I deed it away.
That was my choice. I thought on my future then as I do now, and chose to conjure the beast and make bargain with him. Black Phillip is Satan and I his handmaid.
That is what I think 'tis for.